1 Year in Between…
So much happens since my last show in 2022…
Last year I fell off , a “normal” fall as I had 10 000 fall like this before. As a rider this is part of the job, if you can get up you’re fine… right?
Who else hear the coach voice saying that?
Well I did get up, feeling sore but I didn’t feel a strong pain somewhere just general pain everywhere.
My mind wasn’t in peace tho, I heard a crack , or maybe felt it, I wasn’t sure what it was actually because the visière of my helmet was out.
So I thought, “Jade , nothing to worry about, you heard your helmet crack”
After few days the muscle pain went away , so on Tuesday I was back on a horse. (The accident happened over the weekend).
Something was weird, I feel it, I’m weak in my arms and have a little point of pain in the back, very very little. Let’s wait the of the day and ride 6 horses to see if it goes away no? Why not, I’m fine I’m walking , I’m riding I'm just sore….
But it didn’t go away, and the point of pain started to be very strong by the end of the day,
So my stubborn ass and me drove to the hospital to meet a Traumatologue.
After exams and X-rays, everything appeared normal and the locomotion test were clear…
So I was fine!
I knew I was fine, I shouldn’t waste my time to go to the hospital.. arrrrr getting little older and I run to the doctor after a fall , Seriously ?
I was pissed at myself and felt I became weaker, just by checking my health.
This is the mindset you have when you spend years in professional stables, you bite on tongue and keep going, end of the story….
Let's be clear here, being a pro rider is tough, survive in that world mean "moving forward or you're out".
You're easily seen as a weak person, not reliable in the industry if you put to much your health first.
I won't lie I though the same and judge other for taking break when they were in pain after a fall.
I was the first one to play tough!
[ Context
This industry is nothing like any other "normal" industry. I will not doublespeak here.
Most of the jobs you get, are from ears to mouth, you don't have "school" qualifications or even a CV to present to most of them. You get the job on your skills and reputation.
If you have been seeing "weak" by your former boss, because you didn't put the horses or the stable before everything else in your life, it will damage your reputation for the future.
A 3 days leave for sickness and fever will just do fine on damaging the opinion that your team has about you.
I love my industry, my sport and the horses more than anything else, but I've come to point, since my last fall, where I decided to be a little more selfish and think of my well being before my profession. ]
So I'm fine he said, well I wish it was, after 2 weeks of anti inflammatory and painkiller and no riding the Dr said I could go on again!!!
Yaaaa let’s ride, get on my first horse walking around happy but a little in shame that I took 2 weeks off after a small fall and had nothing broken.
Pick up the trot , shitttttt I’m in strong pain soon as I started riding and so weak in my upper body.
No way I’m stopping, the Dr said I had nothing, I’m gonna swallow the pain and be hard on myself.
I did that for TWO weeks , riding light sit , and strong bit because I just couldn’t do anything more than that.
Deep inside I knew something wasn’t right, and the crack I hear during the accident starting to became an obsession.
...Oh, man I'm lucky ... if during those two weeks of riding, one of my horses would have spin, it would have been the end of me walking.....
I finally follow my guts and went back to the Dr. He listened , then decided to run some more locomotion test….
No pain, no pain, no pain, I'm fine…
Until one movement where I screamed from pain.
His face became white, he stoped talking and went outside of the room.
I’m waiting alone, in the room thinking “ ok, this doesn’t seams right”.
The Dr came back after few minute, hand me a MRI prescription with "Emergency" on it.
And told me to go ASAP, and then see a neurosurgeon with the results. I asked him what was going, and he said I’m not sure, I checked again your X-rays and I can’t see anything but the test I just performed, you reacted positive on it, and it’s no good news.
Fast forward to the meeting with the Neuro, verdict of the fall, broken vertebra with an other 2 hernias on the top (adding to the other 2 that I had from before). Corset for 3 months he said… and you'll be fine.
2 MRI and 3 months later, still no good news, still not heal.. lets ad 1 more month… and an other 1 …. And an other 2 months……
Seeing 2 different Neuro as the news and the options were getting smaller… Operation, quit riding, 100% recovery not sure…
I won't lie, it was a lot of up and down, not really knowing if my body will actually recover, or if I just wasting so much time when I could have just get an operation from the start. So now I'm around 6 months with this corset, I don't see any optimism in the Dr speech, and started to "prepare" me on maybe getting an operation to put cement inthe crack, where it will definitely paralyze 3 vertebras for the rest of my life, an other 6-8 months of post-op recovery and not being sure I will be able to ride full time after it.
During all those months, I was very very active, as I was in the stable all day walking around, longing, teaching, shows or just spending time with my horses.
It's when the guilt started to kick, what if I didn't rest enough, what if it's not healing proper because I'm thinking more about the stables than me... what if everything goes wrong just because I was too stupid and kept on riding for two weeks, and that I didn't rest with the fracture... what if I busted ruined my life when it could have been a normal quick recovery fracture....
To be honest it is during those time that my mindset started to shift, tacking care of me would be a bit more present (still working on it hahaha ). I promise myself to follow guts at any cost, popular opinion or not!
I was most of the time, for some reason, extremely happy.
Happy that I was walking, moving, having a pretty "normal" life, deep inside I had that hope that everything would be fine. In All the options after each MRI results that the Dr presents , not RIDING wan't one of them in my mind, Period! Even if he mention it few times.
I WAS LUCKY.
So I kept walking and working all day, I started to go the gym as long as I wasn't in any pain. Listening my body and my guts but keep moving forward.
Around 7 months, I was talking with a friend that had a similar injury but much more smaller down time (3 months) and she recommended me to have a second opinion with her Neuro. ( Shout out to you Bobi! )
I, of course, said yes and went to listen to him with all my MRI results.
During the last 2 months, the pain was getting stronger and stronger, my mobility was getting stiffer and weaker, but I decided to believe in the process and follow my gut on the last Dr.
At the end, the last Dr give me hopes, no operation, believing in my “young” body recovery was possible with a LOT of rehab and time. He took my long time partner, Corset, out on the spot, even if the last MRI wasn't a green light. I was scared, not feeling supported was terrifying, I was shaking because I didn't have any muscles anymore in my back to support my weight.
For a second, I really double guess the Dr opinion and though he was crazy. I was in pain, the last MRI wasn't good enough, and I had trouble to walk without the Corset.
But for some reason I went on with what he said.
Let’s try without operation, why not, at the end I had nothing to loose!
Here I was, riding slowly in month 8 and just being happy, because at the end of the day I’m VERY VERY lucky. I always believed options was there, and never loose hope to ride again. Follow my gut, listen my body ( a bit late ya I know) and learn so much through this time.
During the last 3 months of riding again, I did not put pressure myself, listened to me when my body was tired, not forcing anything... but most of all, I did enjoy so so much being on the top of a horse since a very long time.
This experience changed me, for the better. My personal growth during that time is huge, well I did have time to reflect right ? hahahah But also I took it as an opportunity, to expend my skills and went back to an online school, went on and diversify my incomes, related to horses, and started building for myself an other life for after. Because yes, it has a BEFORE & AFTER those experiences.
I'm glad I'm ok, but I'm glad it happened. Everything happens for a reason, when you think that way you start to see positive in every situations.
11 months exactly after my last show last year, I was last week riding my first show again.
I can't describe the feeling I had entering the ring tho, happiness is a low compare to what I felt.
I went on with my young horses, jumping classes that I think I never ever jumped before.
It was the biggest that I ever jumped, but my mind was at peace, sure and secure. My body was soooo stiff , the videos are terrible to watch ahahah but At the end the babies where fantastic and I had a super show. I'm Lucky and thankful.
Riding adventures to be continued, and hopefully until I'm very old.
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